the colour, the shape, the feel

So, Thursday night I went out to a local dive bar, and I left with a woman. She is five years older. This is dramatically out of character for me. I just do not do the random thing, and never really have. Aside from that one time in the restroom of that lesbian bar, but that was a long, long time ago. I worry, that I am so through with relationships, so in mourning over memories of Shelly from times past, that I simply no longer care. For much of my life, I took consalamentum with extreme seriousness. Even in windows of misogynistic directions that I've understandably ventured before, I never abused the concept of physical intimacy. Mindgames, sure. We can all learn from a good mindgame. But I have always had the sense to know beyond the shadow of any doubt that it is biologically impossible to separate emotional ramifications from the physical act. But fuck it, I just did, didn't I? Where in hell am I going?